“It might do you some good. Maybe it’s just what you need to get that Holiday Spirit going.” my therapist said. It annoyed me that in her political correctness, she called this the Holiday season, or Holiday Spirit, or Holiday this or that. If you were going to talk about Christmas, at least call it what it was.

“Alright doc; I’ll give it a try.” I said, already feeling uncomfortable, as was typical with most any suggestion she would make.

I almost didn’t want to leave my quarters that day. At least then I wouldn’t have to think of a unique and individual way to state my appreciation for each and person I met, as my therapist had suggested. Go Christmas Spirit!

ADVENT DAY 15

PRIZE: ???

TASK: Yep, you guessed it. You’re going to verbally give your unique and individual appreciation to every person you meet today ingame. And you’re going to provide screenshots to me in the comments below, or at adventcelebration@gmail.com, as evidence of your niceness.

I will be announcing today’s winner at 10 PM EST.

Tragically, not a single entrant for today’s contest. It only reinforces the inherent cynicism I’ve always known capsuleers to have. Even for a prize, we aren’t willing to wish our fellow pod pilots a friendly greeting.

This is the first time one of our contests has defaulted. Consulting Roc’s Rulebook, it would appear that PyjamaSam receives today’s default prize, one lump of coal in his stocking!

It wasn’t that I minded all the parties associated with Christmas, not at all. Any good Brutor welcomed the chance to drink their face off. It was more that while I enjoyed the company of my brethren, I really didn’t have many Minmatar friends. Sure, I knew a lot of Matari, but most were  under my command and not really friends.

It seemed that night was my turn to host the festivities, and the party itself was being thrown in my honour. To me, it was a lot of pressure to live up to, but looking back I am thankful for learning both how to be a gracious host, and how to interact better in social gatherings. These traits served me well in later years.

ADVENT DAY 12

PRIZE: ???

TASK: Yeah, so I suck at Christmas, and at parties. Today’s task is to come up with some fun and engaging Christmas party activities/games that will amuse and entertain my guests tonight.

I will need to announce the winner early tonight, and I apologize for that. I will announce tonight’s winner at 6 PM EST.

Thanks to everyone for coming up with some fantastic ideas quickly. Today’s randomly selected winner (I am stating that now as someone thought maybe it was by favourtism) is Rettic, whom has won himself a 50% off code from LoneTrek Hosting, a really good hosting solution provided by a really genuine Eve player who simply wanted to offer better services to those in need of them.

Congratulations to Rettic, and depending on how exactly hungover I am, I’ll see you all tomorrow.

“I’ll think about it.” she said, referring to an earlier conversation we had engaged in regarding the exchanging of Christmas gifts. Sarasfox seemed sincere, yet as I continued my quest for Christmas spirit I found myself still feeling hollow inside.

It was so loud on the station promenade I could hardly hear myself think. It was chaotic, unrelenting, worse than any ground warfare stories I had heard with the exception of the deaths of course. My thoughts turned to Daul Halwick, to Mynxee, to all those that had once been dear to me. Christmas was supposedly a time of family and friends; aside from PyjamaSam (whom I hadn’t seen in months), I couldn’t think of a single soul that I could call “friend”.

I held a personal massager in my hand. It was on sale. I didn’t know if it was something Sarasfox would like, so I decided to ask one of the many lurking women around, a slightly older, plumper lady looking through discount underwear.

“Excuse me,” I began. “Sorry to trouble you, but I’m not very good at this.” I smiled awkwardly, and she smiled back in silent understanding. I showed her the massage device and asked her if it was an appropriate gift for a woman I barely knew.

She looked at it, then at me, then frowned her brow, harumphed, and walked away. I received similar reactions from the next four women I asked, completely oblivious as to what I was doing to garner such hostility. I was being polite, friendly even, with what I thought was the right amount of boyish charm. Apparently I was wrong. Finally, one younger Achura girl let me in on my mistake.

“You’re cute, but not so smart hun. That’s a vibrator.” She smiled coyly at me, but I didn’t even notice the sudden wanton flirtation in her gaze.

With growing horror, I stared at the long cylindrical device in my hand, suddenly with abject disgust, and dropped it to the store floor, walking as far away from it as quickly as I could.

What a messed up holiday this Christmas is, I thought to myself.

ADVENT DAY 10

PRIZE: ???

TASK: Today’s task is to post a picture of the most “hidden yet obvious” sexual Christmas gift you can find. What I mean by this is not to link to pictures of sexual toys, not at all. Rather, find what is considered an “innocent” gift that is obviously sexual in nature.

Post your links in the comments below, or email me at adventcelebration@gmail.com

I will announce today’s winner at 10 PM EST.

I really want to thank all of today’s entrants, as I received a lot of funny images of clearly crazy toys. What were these manufacturers thinking?

Congratulations to 343guilty1, whom has won himself an autographed glossy print of Roc Wieler! (thunderous applause)

I was quickly growing tired of all the stories, recipes, embarrassing memories, and general camaraderie of the season. It was all a facade.

By complete accident I got inbetween two small women fighting over the last of an item in a shop on the promenade. I honestly have never felt more threatened for my life than I did at that moment. I’m a short man, but a solid man, yet these women bounced me around like a rag doll. Christmas spirit indeed. Hmmph.

Still, I wasn’t ready to give up hope. I knew I was too cynical for my own good, and that I needed to grow as a person. Christmas was a perfect opportunity for that.

My therapist concurred. She would.

By the way, I ended up with the item the two women were fighting over. I won’t go into the details of it, but it did make my Christmas season a little merrier.

ADVENT DAY 9

PRIZE: ???

TASK: Today’s task is super simple, and you may have some curiousity based on the Twitter logo in today’s blog banner. So let’s get to the point.

Today you will “follow” me on Twitter, and send a quick festive greeting to @RocWieler. That’s it. Told you it was simple, didn’t I.

Did I mention I will be copy/pasting ever Twitter comment for today’s task into the blog post? Yeah, I will, so make it memorable.

I will announce today’s winner at 10 PM EST.

Today’s winner is autumnn_aether! Congratulations! You will be co-hosting an upcoming Missions Collide podcast! Please email me at adventcelebration@gmail.com with your character name, and I will make sure to get you in touch with Song Li of Missions Collide!

ADVENT TWITTER

R_Javorsky Merry Christmas, @RocWieler! Hope you don’t get too much coal. 😉

rwfloydjr @RocWieler Roc, I hope you have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I am sure that will involve many Amarr wrecks and bloodshed. 🙂

Jaggins_EVE @RocWieler Happy Yule!

Galen_Druid @RocWieler Happy Holidays my friend!!!  #tweetfleet @eveonline

kiithilurin Merry Christmas! @RocWieler ‘Tis the season to be jolly. May the halls ring with autocannon volley. 🙂

Jagerda @RocWieler Have a Merry Christmas! Hope your stocking is stuffed with many enemy pods.

kirithkodachi @RocWieler Happy Holidays to a fellow Canuck!

autumnn_aether @RocWieler Happy Festivus!

alaguspirate Festivus for the rest of us! RT @autumnn_aether: “@RocWieler Happy Festivus!”

lfxbones @RocWieler merry Xmas and happy new year enjoy this festive time

Paxeh @RocWieler Happy Holidays Roc! Maybe you can try to overload twitter with this Christmas cheer.

evepilot @RocWieler Merry Christmas Roc. May that lump of coal in your stocking refine into endless millions of trit.

WebSpaceships @RocWieler Merry Christmas to all, and to all some good fights

JamesSp RT @WebSpaceships: @RocWieler Merry Christmas to all, and to all some good fights.

wensley @RocWieler Enjoy the Amarrian festive season.

Rettic @RocWieler I’m so in the holiday spirit, I set you to “red”…festive colors! Meet me in Provi for shiny New Years fireworks. 🙂 #eveonline

Thorvik_EVE @RocWieler Merry Christmas may you finally catch up to the Amarrian Capsuleer Claus and pwn his sleighAgeddon

SawnAconite @RocWieler Merry Christmas Col Wieler. May the fat Amarrian in red bring you much spiced quafe and exotic dancers!

jorshan Happy Holidays @RocWieler. May the lights shine especially bright for you and yours this holiday season.

AMuleInEvE @rocwieler I hope u get 2 run around and blast away many of the Amarr, so many that it becomes like the ‘whack a mole’ game! Merry Christmas

ClydeJr @RocWieler May your holidays be bright and cheery, sorta like an exploding Amarr battleship #eveonline

TehMasterSword @RocWieler  Merry Christmas Roc! I know you will catch that evil “Santa” soon enough! Let that firms know what your autocannons can do!

Tygoka @RocWieler Heres hoping your stocking is stuffed with amarrian slaver killmails!

Carols were first sung in Europe thousands of years ago, but these were not Christmas Carols. They were pagan songs, sung at the Winter Solstice celebrations as people danced round stone circles. The Winter Solstice is the shortest day of the year, usually taking place around the 22nd December. The word Carol actually means dance or a song of praise and joy! Carols used to be written and sung during all four seasons, but only the tradition of singing them at Christmas has really survived!

Advent Day 7

PRIZE: ???

TASK: Your task today is to embrace the tradition of old and sing a merry song! That’s right, you heard correctly. It can just be you into a microphone, song and vocals, humming, anything that makes a sound and came from your body!

Post your links to your festive handiwork in the comments below, or email them to adventcelebration@gmail.com.

I will announce today’s winner at 10 PM EST.

Only two entrants today, but in all honesty, both entries were fantastic! I didn’t expect this level of effort so seriously well done!

Hallan Turrek, with his angelic voice, and Yakshamash with his sultry rythmns, are both today’s contest winners!

Hallan has won himself a digital copy of One Night of Roc.

Yakshamash has won himself a digital copy of Bio.

Please make sure I have both of your emails at adventcelebration@gmail.com and I will set things up for you.

What we know about the monstrous Amarr capsuleer Santa Claus:

• It’s gluttonously overweight.
• It makes use of undernourished, growth stunted slaves to do Its bidding year round.
• It smokes (a pipe).
• It drinks (rosy cheeks).
• It dresses in blood red.
• It is immortal, as far as we know (clone technology).
• It only appears at night, flying through planetary atmospheres with horned beasts at Its command.
• It uses some unknown warp technology to infiltrate trillions of homes in one night.
• It is not afraid of fire or heat (in chimneys, for instance) or cold for that matter.
• It has beady, coal-black eyes (all pupil, maybe, or perhaps insect-like).
• Its bloated midsection wiggles like gelatin (an undead substance made of decaying animal parts).
• It is sometimes called “Old Nick” (which pretends to refer to St. Nicholas, but is really a nickname of the Devil).
• Its name is an anagram of Satan Lucas, which sounds very sinister to me (“the Light of Satan”?).
• It spreads Its message of greed and gluttony on the very eve of the celebration of Christ’s birth.
• Indeed, many children believe in Satan Lucas many years before ever learning of the “true meaning of Christmas”, and even then the “true meaning” is largely ignored, and the evil rites are passed on to another generation.
• There is a song about It which begins, “You’d better watch out…”
• Its minions, an elaborate network of spying adults, keep tabs on your behavior throughout the year, and postal services of the universe dutifully deliver reports to It.

In short, Santa Claus is an evil conniving Amarr, who has become powerful enough to control the economy, tempt people to do very wicked actions (all cloaked in “holiday spirit”), and battle Jesus for control of his own birthday. The cult of Satan Lucas is growing rapidly. Children are being programmed to be evil minions when they become adults. Ritual sacrifices of innocent milk and cookies are offered up to Its obesity. Depression, crime, and suicides increase during the Christmas hellidays, and no wonder.

Protect yourself. Do not invite this demon into your home. Take down your stockings. Burn Hanukkah candles to ward It off. Do not give anyone gifts! This practice only makes It stronger.

ADVENT DAY 6

PRIZE: ???

TASK: With so many mythical beings surrounding the holiday season, let’s add one more. Your task today is to take an existing holiday writing (poem, carol, etc), and convert it into something New Eden, specifically mentioning Roc.

Please post your submissions into the comments below or by emailing me at adventcelebration@gmail.com.

I will announce today’s winner at 10 PM EST.

Congratulations to Anjerrai Meloanis, who has won a PLEX, care of CCP! Please send me an email by clicking on the picture of me on the right, or by using the gmail.com link above.