What we know about the monstrous Amarr capsuleer Santa Claus:
- It’s gluttonously overweight.
- It makes use of undernourished, growth stunted slaves to do Its bidding year round.
- It smokes (a pipe).
- It drinks (rosy cheeks).
- It dresses in blood red.
- It is immortal, as far as we know (clone technology).
- It only appears at night, flying through planetary atmospheres with horned beasts at Its command.
- It uses some unknown warp technology to infiltrate trillions of homes in one night.
- It is not afraid of fire or heat (in chimneys, for instance) or cold for that matter.
- It has beady, coal-black eyes (all pupil, maybe, or perhaps insect-like).
- Its bloated midsection wiggles like gelatin (an undead substance made of decaying animal parts).
- It is sometimes called “Old Nick” (which pretends to refer to St. Nicholas, but is really a nickname of the Devil).
- Its name is an anagram of Satan Lucas, which sounds very sinister to me (“the Light of Satan”?).
- It spreads Its message of greed and gluttony on the very eve of the celebration of Christ’s birth.
- Indeed, many children believe in Satan Lucas many years before ever learning of the “true meaning of Christmas”, and even then the “true meaning” is largely ignored, and the evil rites are passed on to another generation.
- There is a song about It which begins, “You’d better watch out…”
- Its minions, an elaborate network of spying adults, keep tabs on your behavior throughout the year, and postal services of the universe dutifully deliver reports to It.
In short, Santa Claus is an evil conniving Amarr, who has become powerful enough to control the economy, tempt people to do very wicked actions (all cloaked in “holiday spirit”), and battle Jesus for control of his own birthday. The cult of Satan Lucas is growing rapidly. Children are being programmed to be evil minions when they become adults. Ritual sacrifices of innocent milk and cookies are offered up to Its obesity. Depression, crime, and suicides increase during the Christmas hellidays, and no wonder.
Protect yourself. Do not invite this demon into your home. Take down your stockings. Burn Hanukkah candles to ward It off. Do not give anyone gifts! This practice only makes It stronger.
ADVENT DAY 6
TASK: With so many mythical beings surrounding the holiday season, let’s add one more. Your task today is to take an existing holiday writing (poem, carol, etc), and convert it into something New Eden, specifically mentioning Roc.
Please post your submissions into the comments below or by emailing me at email@example.com.
I will announce today’s winner at 10 PM EST.
Congratulations to Anjerrai Meloanis, who has won a PLEX, care of CCP! Please send me an email by clicking on the picture of me on the right, or by using the gmail.com link above.