Dear Roc,

We recently met in a station in Rens. You may not remember me, as you were busy chatting up the ladies, and I couldn’t help but wonder how you do it? I overheard some of the things you were saying, and I thought ‘I would get slapped in the face for saying that!‘ Seriously, what’s your secret?

Kilomyte

It’s surprising how often I get messages like this, which leads me to believe that perhaps I should share some simple facts about women with the rest of the male populace, as my countless successes with the fairer sex are obvious.

Women aren’t as complex as they would lead us to believe. Women respect openness. Women respect honesty. In my experience, I’ve found women appreciate a straightforward and logical approach; no games, no hidden agendas. Simply share things as you see them.

• You look so much like your mother – women love to hear this. Their mother is who raised and nurtured them. To be told they look like the maternal influence in their life is the highest compliment. Also, if you’re lucky and the mother is hot, make sure to say this with the mother present; things could get interesting.
• I would’ve invited you, but you’re no fun – Women respect a man that isn’t afraid to speak his mind. So she missed that mind-bending party you threw that is still being talked about in neighbouring systems. Maybe she can improve herself and become more fun so as to get an invite next time.
• Anything related to marriage or children – There are two types of women; those who want the married life with children, and those whom abhor it. By stating your intentions up front, a woman will feel closer to you emotionally, and will probably reconsider her position to be more in line with yours so as not to lose the prize you are.
• Would have, could have, should have – Never just apologize. That shows weakness. Women are logical creatures and if you can help them fill in the missing holes for why you screwed up, they will be the ones to apologize to you for the misunderstanding.
• You don’t need another pair of shoes – We all have our crutches. Women lose all semblance of sanity when they see a nice pair of shoes, or even an ugly pair of shoes on sale. They need you to be their rock, to be the voice of reason when they cannot be. Tell them how it is. Their respect for you will increase greatly.
• Tell her your past exploits – It’s important that a woman knows where she stands. She wants to hear about your entire sexual past in order to better please you in the future. It might even give her some new and adventurous ideas she hadn’t previously considered.
• Suck it up – Women don’t want your pity. If they’re bruised or not feeling well, help them to realize they still need to be self-sufficient. Dependency is a weakness they do not want. Don’t coddle them. Don’t be gentle and sympathetic. Treat women like soldiers. They admire that.
• What’s the big deal? You have another birthday next year – Remind them that while rituals are important, dwelling on the past and the things that didn’t happen is a waste of time and energy. We can only live in the now and plan for the future. Being firm in this regard will strengthen your relationship with women.
• Are you sure the dress shrunk? – Women can be forgetful, especially given the amount of chores they have to do on a daily basis. Asking them to give second consideration to something they may have done incorrectly shows caring and empathy. You will totally score points with this one.
• That’s not the way my ex did it – Again, women can’t know your likes and needs unless you communicate them. Telling your significant other how a previous partner satisfied you, and how you would like them to improve accordingly, is useful and welcome feedback to women. Don’t be shy with your feelings.

There we have it. Some useful tips on how to better improve your standing with women. Should the feedback prove positive in the comments section below, I am more than happy to do another episode, as there is great use in such a guide for most men out there.