Roc Bottom

“Hey Roc, just wanted to drop you a line and say hi. I know you’ve been going through some stuff, but we’re still here for you.” – Katia Sae

“Looks like I’ll be in your area sooner than expected. Things are shitty. Hope we can talk soon. Sounds like we each could use a shoulder.” – Caleb Yaakov

“Your blog has gone scarily quiet?” – @KaedaMaxwell

“Don’t you dare post this on your blog saying I’ve been keeping you too busy to write with mind shattering, more than daily sex!” – @CarolePivarik

“You’ve left New Eden, haven’t you. Retired completely and gone off the grid. It’s a sad day.” – Ava Tears

It had been a trying three month period in my life. I was simply unable to find work, yet the expenses still remained. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one that had been in that position. Like many, the economy had been rough during that time, and corporations were laying people off, whether you had been there for decades or even longer. Suddenly, we all found ourselves dispensable.

But I am Roc Wieler.

The initial shock that I was no better than the regular plebes was almost too much for my ego to bear. I was a capsuleer, an immortal. I had been a war hero, a medal decorated war hero for Jove’s sake. Who was I to be in the same position as a Caldari factory worker?

I was the one who inspired others to get out of their pods, to stretch their legs, to take care of their cloned bodies instead of just becoming lethargic and reliant on technology to survive.

I was the one who inspired countless young pod pilots to join the war.

I was the one who had people entranced with music and visuals the galaxy over.

We’ve all been there. We’ve all rationalized why bad things shouldn’t happen to us, and yet it does. Adversity is what reveals our truest character. In that regard, I’ve failed.

I’ve failed to remember to walk the walk when things are toughest. It’s easy to be positive when things are going well.

I’ve failed to believe in myself as much as I should have, allowing myself to spend days curled up in my quarters wallowing in self-pity.

I’ve failed to embrace the greatest support network I have; you.

For that, I sincerely apologize.

So many employment interviews with hopeful outcomes only to have those same hopes dashed to the side. So many people who begged of me to come work with them while I was gainfully employed only to tell me now they have not even scraps to send my way.

But there has been some good:

  • I’ve been pushing my workouts harder. It’s one of the few things I find joy in.
  • I’ve been learning new technologies, updating my skills, including some advances in three dimensional imaging.
  • I’ve been networking, attending functions, getting my name out there.
  • I’ve been looking at starting my own corporation, put my money where my mouth is, belief in myself entirely.
  • I’ve been working on some new music, refining my techniques, learning from DJs and industry professionals.
  • I’ve been continuing to have success as a personal trainer, though I feel like I’ve let down Double J lately.

I’ve been focused on some things, but sadly not on my journal, cutting myself off from all of you.

Again, I apologize.

I will do better. I promise.

OOC: I’m not really in a better place now. I still have no source of income. The savings account is slowly drying up. I’m not even sure how I will attend Fanfest this year. Don’t be surprised if I start a fundraiser. My wife has been amazing, understanding, patient and encouraging every step of the way through this tribulation. My few close friends have been amazing, helping me find job leads, offering laughter and free food every now and then, which helps.

Really, it’s just been a few shit kickings too many and I’ve become demoralized overall. But I choose to stand again. Sometimes that is all it can be, an act of will, and my will is stronger than anything this universe can throw at me.

Sure, it may sound like platitudes and cheap self help motivational nonsense, but I’ll tell you this much, it works. Even writing this, sharing with you, being accountable to you once more, is sending the blood racing through my veins, exciting my spirit anew.

So I’m back to having a consistent routine, the life I want to create around myself. Nothing can stop me from doing that. My exercise and eating are still on track, so time to focus on my mental and emotional health.

I have so many stories to write, so much music to create, so much left to give. You, my fans, are worth it.

Thanks for sticking around.

As a bonus treat, here’s a track from the next album I’m working on, Mendre After Hours: Volume 1 Anthems

22 responses to “Roc Bottom

  1. Love you Roc. Things will get better just put the same amount of effort into finding work that you do into making yourself look sexy!

    I won’t hit Fanfest this year but maybe we can grab a beer in 2012.

  2. Keep your head up. Clean eating and exercise make a huge difference in a persons outlook. The job situation will turn around, you don’t sound like the kind of guy who’s job defines you as a person anyways so take it in stride. And the bottom line is: If you don’t believe in yourself, why should anyone else? Rock on. o/

  3. like it’s said in mat 6:25 “Tomorrow can worry about itself” We can only bravely face the unknown by firmly grasping what remains in our power to affect. No regrets! You just hit that fucking warp button, Roc, and keep it comin’.

  4. I can relate to your situation…. and may I add a cliche …. Hope springs eternal.

    I am finding that as long as I have hope I can move on, without it I am paralyzed. So focus on what can be and will be and keep on. 🙂

  5. When life throws you lemons, make lemonade. Time to re-invent yourself maybe? You’re a fan of workouts and healthy living? Make that work for you. Put yourself out as an Exercise Guru or personal Exercise assistant or something. You are a music maker? See about trying to get into a job with a music studio or assist a musician with arrangements… Take whatever interests you and you think you may be good at and make it work for you ON YOUR TERMS. The world is YOURS Roc. Dont limit yourself by LOOKING for work. MAKE your own work until a desired opportunity arises.

    Keep your eyes up. Nothing but dirt on the ground and thats not gonna help ya

  6. Roc,

    I’ve been a long time fan ( stalker, really, this is my first comment in a while ). You inspire people from all around the country, perhaps even the world. People you do not know, may not ever meet. While this may not make you money, how different would the world be had you not been there to shape some part of it?

    Calling on other people for help is difficult. We all want to believe we can be a one man army, take every challenge head on and kick its ass. That’s not real life. You have friends, you have family – again, maybe many you have not yet met. They will support you in your time of need as best they can. The world is not a challenge for only one man – take some friends, have a few laughs ( and beers ) along the way.

    As Mel said above: Limits are unnecessary, you are a man of many talents. If you can’t find work, don’t let that stop you from continuing to do work. You’re a competent PT? See if local gyms or stores are hiring. Your music is inspiring? Throw up a couple videos on Youtube with tracks in the background, or send cuts to game companies to see if they need some freelance work.

    If you’re ever in-game and need a break or want to vent, hit me up. I’m always down for a conversation about life and how much it sucks balls. Even got a channel for it.

    – Duno

    P.S. Nice snow effect. Well played, sir.

  7. Glad your back, I’d been wondering what was going on.

    In reference to finding jobs, once I graduated it took me a year to find a job. It’s not the best job, but it’s in the field I wanted and pays enough for the time being. You just got to keep at it.

  8. I know it’s corny, but things are always darkest before the dawn.
    I was in a pretty horrible spot not long ago. The hardest part, is swallowing the pride, beat it deep down inside, it’s not useful now. Just take whatever job, any job is better than no job.

    I went and worked in a bleeding callcenter for pete’s sakes, all 140 IQ point, years of work experience in various countries, tri-lingual, multiskilled me. Answering morons on the phone.

    It was worth it. Now I’m the supervisor, still not a great job, but it’s a job, and in today’s economy, that is a blessing.

    Stay strong Roc. You got this.

  9. Had wondered where you went, good to hear from you again. It’s kinda sad when people just disappear, but well, in these times it happens a lot.

    As for staying motivated, respect that you can see so much good in the bad.

    Fingers crossed you can make it to Fanfest, it wouldn’t be the same without you at those roundtables!

  10. Roc my dear fellow, you can see that you have a much bigger support network than you realise. Keep strong, things are tough but so long as you have self-belief; you will thrive and survive.


  11. Know exactly how you feel mate, I’ve been in much the same boat and its tough, but if anyone can stay stall I know its you. As for fanfest, if I’m hell bent on finding a way there despite only working 10 hours a week I sure as hell expect to see you there.

  12. Not to sound like fortune teller, but here it is.
    The job market is very dry right now before the end of the year.
    Once the holiday are over it will definitely pick up and you will find what you are looking for from the most unexpectd sources. Trust me, with your talents and determination you will be in much better position to grasp that opportunity that will be coming up.

    I know it looks bad right now, but you are not alone and a fund raiser for the Fanfest is not such a bad idea. Obviously the vidoe games/personalities are not the most important thing on you mind right now, but Roc is a part of you and Roc is part of EvE, so please do not give up on it and keep posting about anything and everything, because you have more than just fans here.

  13. You seriously didn’t think it would be that easy to get rid of me, did you Roc?

    Bottom line: You are an inspiration to all of us in some form or another. So get up and dust yourself off. Time to get serious.

    Still waiting to read those stories mate. You need anything, let me know.

    – Jack

  14. Thanks ladies. Your immediate and positive feedback is encouraging. I mean that. I have been busy creating some opportunities for myself so we’ll see where that goes. In the meantime, get ready for some stories, workouts, and a few other things I want to share over the next little while.

    Immortal or not, we’re all human at the end of the day.

    • We all need a good knock on the chin every now and then, from ourselves and from each other. But being Roc Wieler, you get a Chuck Norris uppercut!

      Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron,
      so one person sharpens another.

      • But Immortal? To remove or forget your human affiliation, found inside those limitations, is to lose the value through which we are measured by comparison of equal, lesser, and greater men that surround us. When you elevate yourself to be what is impossible for others, you enter into a category quite different from ours. Never forget your humanity, for it is truly in weakness that our strengths shine brightest. -Oreb Wing

  15. I’ve become “redundant” three times now and while I don’t necessarily love what I’m doing now, it’s more interesting than what I was doing. I did interview for a Call Centre too and am really glad I didn’t have to take it as I was just interviewing everywhere and anywhere I could. But I would have taken it if there had been no other choices and I would have given it my all.

    I ended up re-inventing myself and took night classes at the local University while working for $14/hr as a carpenter’s assistant(down from a $100K+ salary). I’m no where near my old pay rate but I’m happier than when I was in the IT industry.

    Keep the chin up and your upper lip stiff. As Helicity said, swallow any pride you have and just take a job. It’s always easier to find a job one you already have one.

    It took a year of classes and when I was done I had 3 job offers.

  16. Times are hard these days. Whatever you do, know that you are not alone. You may not know me and I still know just a few about you, but I feel that you got so much power! You are doing remarkable things and you will not be forgotten. Roc, I want to tell you that your music is fantastic! I just listened to your albums, thank you for your Christmas Gift. I spent all night listening and it was an unforgettable experience, man your music is in my blood already. This was the best Christmas ever!

    Keep doing this, man, you are on the right track.

    I really wish I could pay for your music, no matter the price, and I will recommend you to all my friends. Just keep doing what you do. No one can do better than you.

    I want to thank you for inspiring me with your stuff. I don’t have much, but here is something that might inspire you. It’s all I got for now. It is dedicated to EVE and looks like devs are keeping quiet about it. 🙂 It’s all good, I understand.

    Merry Christmas

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