“I’ll think about it.” she said, referring to an earlier conversation we had engaged in regarding the exchanging of Christmas gifts. Sarasfox seemed sincere, yet as I continued my quest for Christmas spirit I found myself still feeling hollow inside.
It was so loud on the station promenade I could hardly hear myself think. It was chaotic, unrelenting, worse than any ground warfare stories I had heard with the exception of the deaths of course. My thoughts turned to Daul Halwick, to Mynxee, to all those that had once been dear to me. Christmas was supposedly a time of family and friends; aside from PyjamaSam (whom I hadn’t seen in months), I couldn’t think of a single soul that I could call “friend”.
I held a personal massager in my hand. It was on sale. I didn’t know if it was something Sarasfox would like, so I decided to ask one of the many lurking women around, a slightly older, plumper lady looking through discount underwear.
“Excuse me,” I began. “Sorry to trouble you, but I’m not very good at this.” I smiled awkwardly, and she smiled back in silent understanding. I showed her the massage device and asked her if it was an appropriate gift for a woman I barely knew.
She looked at it, then at me, then frowned her brow, harumphed, and walked away. I received similar reactions from the next four women I asked, completely oblivious as to what I was doing to garner such hostility. I was being polite, friendly even, with what I thought was the right amount of boyish charm. Apparently I was wrong. Finally, one younger Achura girl let me in on my mistake.
“You’re cute, but not so smart hun. That’s a vibrator.” She smiled coyly at me, but I didn’t even notice the sudden wanton flirtation in her gaze.
With growing horror, I stared at the long cylindrical device in my hand, suddenly with abject disgust, and dropped it to the store floor, walking as far away from it as quickly as I could.
What a messed up holiday this Christmas is, I thought to myself.
ADVENT DAY 10
TASK: Today’s task is to post a picture of the most “hidden yet obvious” sexual Christmas gift you can find. What I mean by this is not to link to pictures of sexual toys, not at all. Rather, find what is considered an “innocent” gift that is obviously sexual in nature.
Post your links in the comments below, or email me at email@example.com
I will announce today’s winner at 10 PM EST.
I really want to thank all of today’s entrants, as I received a lot of funny images of clearly crazy toys. What were these manufacturers thinking?
Congratulations to 343guilty1, whom has won himself an autographed glossy print of Roc Wieler! (thunderous applause)