Advent Celebration – Dec 3rd

Signs you’ve had too much holiday cheer:

  1. You strike a match and light your nose.
  2. You take off your shoes and wade in the potato salad.
  3. You hear a duck quacking and it’s you.
  4. You tell your best joke to the rubber plant.
  5. You refill your glass from the fish bowl.
  6. You hear someone say, “Call a priest!”
  7. You start kissing the portraits on the wall.
  8. You complain about the small bathroom after emerging from the closet.
  9. You ask for another ice cube and put it in your pocket.
  10. You tell everyone you have to go home… and the party’s at your place.
  11. You have to hold on to the floor to keep from sliding off.
  12. You pick up a roll, and butter your watch.
  13. You yawn at the biggest bore in the room… and realize you’re in front of the hall mirror.
  14. You take out your handkerchief and blow your ear.
  15. You suggest everyone stand and sing the national budget.

Parties. Well wishes. Sometimes a guy just wanted to be left well enough alone.

Yet there I stood, holding a small glass of something called egg nog, wearing a red fuzzy hat with white trim, listening to the most ridiculous music I had ever heard.

I stood stiff, uncomfortable, not smiling, not amused. I couldn’t even remember why I had said yes when asked if I would be attending the TLF Christmas party.

I had assumed it would be tribal. I had hoped it would be a fierce celebration of our heritage as Matari. I was so very wrong.

Someone shoved a small, boxed gift into my hands, and with a bright, toothy smile wished me a Merry Christmas. I nearly punched him in the face.

ADVENT DAY 3

As promised, here is the current remaining prize list for Roc’s Advent Celebration:

  • a domination assault missile launcher
  • 50% off Code for LoneTrek Hosting
  • 3 Months Free Code for LoneTrek Hosting
  • 1 co-host on Missions Collide podcast
  • 1 podcast interview with CrazyKinux
  • 1 free ad on Capsuleer
  • 1 EON #017
  • 1 Eve Strategic Maps book
  • 1 Set of EON posters. Dark Tide & Caldari Cruisers
  • 1 Profile of your character in #019 (out April 2010), written by Zapatero. Feel the love 🙂
  • 1 EON #18 (out Jan 2010)
  • 100 million isk in Eve Online Hold’Em poker chips
  • 1 copy of “Mentally Incontinent” a book by Joe Peacock LINK
  • Fully T2 Fit Hulk Exhumer
  • 6x PLEX from CCP (5 remaining)
  • $100 racial gift pack from the EVE Store, care of CCP
  • 1 headsup game of EOH Poker against Hellcats CEO, Mynxee. Winner will take away up to $200 million ISK if they are lucky.
  • Be featured in the next Epic Celebrity Deathmatch against Nashh Kadavr, to be podcast in 2010
  • 1 autographed Roc Wieler poster
  • hopefully more to come!

PRIZE: ???

TASK: We all have embarassing Christmas moments. Today you’re going to share yours in the comments section below, or by emailing adventcelebration@gmail.com. Please include your character name when emailing.

I will compile all of today’s entries at 10 PM EST, and randomly draw a winner for today’s mystery prize.

Congratulations to Jorshan on winning today’s prize, a signed copy of Mentally Incontinent, by Joe Peacock.

Here is Jorshan’s embarrassing Christmas moment:

We have a special place in our hearts for the lady who introduced my wife and I to each other. She has two children, a boy and a girl
(we’ll call them John and Kristy for the purposes of this article),
and they are now both grown up and have lives of their own. My wife had for years earlier taken care of her children, and since then I’ve grown to be quite fond of them too, and they are considered part of our family. At the point of the tale, we had recently had our son (he was about 10 months old), and my oldest daughter was roughly 12.

A few years ago, the oldest son (John) was studying to be a fireman and was taking classes up near where we lived, so John decided to come visit us for Christmas. He asked if he could bring his new girlfriend along so we could meet her, and we all thought it would be great to meet her and see him for the holidays. Let me first explain he has a bit of a wild streak in him and loves practical jokes and other sorts of crazy antics like that.

John showed up with gifts for all of us, and we had the mad Christmas present opening of all our gifts. I was working on mine, standing up in front of the sofa adjacent to the tree while I unwrapped the box. Evidently John had snuck up behind me, grabbed my shorts, and yanked. I think he was intending to pull off my shorts, but instead pulled off my shorts – and underwear.

So there I was. Next to the tree, shorts and tighty whiteys around my ankles in front my family (wife, daughter, infant son) and John and his new girlfriend staring at me while I was porky pigging it (think about that one for a moment – I’ll wait).

I will always remember that moment. I turned beet red of course.
Meanwhile everyone laughed like hell. I know what those cartoon
characters feel like that have just lost their pants (except for Porky – somehow he doesn’t mind), and inch slowly away out of the frame. I pulled my shorts back up, and tried to look normal. All of us (including me) couldn’t stop laughing about it for quite some time after that.

We still laugh about that moment now from time to time. I just feel sorry for John’s girlfriend, she got more than she bargained for during her Christmas visit.

And you know, what I can never remember is what I actually got for Christmas from John…

6 responses to “Advent Celebration – Dec 3rd

  1. When i was a child i had to read the christmas story from the bible to my family and guests. It was written in old german, not the language, but the style of letters. It’s very hard to read for someone modern, so you often make mistakes. So i sat there and i read “Und sie fanden das Rind in Windeln gewickelt” instead of “und sie fanden das KIND in Windeln gewickelt” ….. which means “and they found the cow wrapped in diapers” instead of the correct “and the found the baby/child wrapped in diapers”.

    I was very young, like 10 or 12, and my whole family and guests laughed at me for MINUTES. From that day on, i never ever read anything that had to do with christmas again 😉

  2. I was just about to go into capsule school — I had three glasses of what the engineer insisted was warp drive exudate.

    I woke up cuddling a metre-long model of a Rifter, having apparently declared undying love to it, and tried to feed it a tray of canapes.

  3. Xmas 1989: Going to a co-worker’s family party (mine is spread to the 4 winds), making out with her and getting her in shit with her parents because she missed the party, only to find out that she was far from a Xmas present and a total psycho. Had to pull the eject handles in mid-January 🙂

  4. 7 Years ago, the first day I met my wife. This didn’t happen on Christmas itself, but it was a Christmas party that my parents/her parents were throwing. We were both forced to go to it…he to entertain me (lol), and me the same…plus cooking the steaks on the grill.

    So, I turn on the gas, push the igniter button (notice, I didn’t say it actually lit), close the lid and then run back inside to continue playing grand theft auto with this new got chick I met (I know! Right?!).

    5 Minutes later I forgot I didn’t put the tin foil on one side of the grill that mom had wanted. Open the grill…see it isn’t lit, put on the tin foil…and then, push the ignition button again not thinking about the fact that it had been on, pouring out gas for 5 minutes.

    That was the biggest fireball i’ve ever seen in person…and I had no eyebrows, or hair on my arms (or anything else above the lower chest)

    That made for a good laugh for everyone.

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