Shut the Fucupcakes

“I’d eat healthy but everything tastes so bland. I need flavour.”

I had heard this, or similar phrases, long enough. I was sick of it. It infuriated me. Healthy eating has never been about denying yourself good tasting things. It’s about educating yourself on how to make tasty things with healthier ingredients. Sigh. I swear some days I’d be better off just smashing my head against the wall repeatedly.

SHUT THE FUCUPCAKES

shutheINGREDIENTS

CUPCAKES

  • 1 large Yukon Gold potato, peeled and cut into small chunks
  • 3/4 cup whole-wheat pastry flour
  • 3/4 cup cake flour
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
  • 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1/2 teaspoon sea salt
  • 3/4 cup fine brown sugar
  • 1/4 cup coconut oil
  • 1 large omega 3 egg
  • 1/2 teaspoon coconut extract or vanilla extract
  • 1/2 cup nonfat buttermilk
  • 1 cup blueberries, fresh or frozen (thawed and drained), plus fresh blueberries for garnish

FROSTING

  • 3/4 cup fine brown sugar
  • 3 tablespoons water
  • 4 teaspoons dried egg whites, reconstituted according to package directions (equivalent to 2 egg whites)
  • 1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar
  • Pinch of sea salt
  • 2-3 tablespoons blueberry preserves or jam (100% natural)
  • 1/4 teaspoon coconut extract or vanilla extract

METHOD

To prepare cupcakes:

  1. Preheat oven to 350°F. Line 12 (1/2-cup) muffin cups with paper liners.
  2. Place potato in a saucepan, add water to cover and bring to a boil.
  3. Cook until tender, 8 to 10 minutes.
  4. Drain and mash until very smooth.
  5. Measure out 3/4 cup and let cool slightly. (You may have some potato left over.)
  6. Whisk whole-wheat flour, cake flour, baking powder, baking soda and 1/2 teaspoon sea salt in a medium bowl.
  7. Beat fine brown sugar and oil in a large mixing bowl with an electric mixer on medium speed until combined.
  8. Beat in egg, 1/2 teaspoon extract and the 3/4 cup mashed potatoes until combined.
  9. With the mixer on low, alternately mix in the dry ingredients and buttermilk, starting and ending with dry ingredients and scraping the sides of the bowl as needed, until just combined.
  10. Fold in 1 cup blueberries. Divide the batter among the prepared cups (they will be full).
  11. Bake the cupcakes until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean, 22 to 24 minutes.
  12. Transfer to a wire rack and let cool completely.

To prepare frosting:

  1. Once the cupcakes are cool, bring 2 inches of water to a simmer in the bottom of a double boiler.
  2. Combine 3/4 cup fine brown sugar and 3 tablespoons water in the top of the double boiler.
  3. Place over the simmering water and heat, stirring, until the sugar is melted, 2 to 3 minutes.
  4. Start beating the mixture with an electric mixer on high speed; add reconstituted egg whites, cream of tartar and a pinch of salt.
  5. Continue beating until the mixture looks like a glossy, thick frosting, 5 to 7 minutes.
  6. Off the heat, beat for 1 minute more to cool.
  7. Add 2 tablespoons (or more, depending on desired color) blueberry preserves (or jam) and 1/4 teaspoon extract and beat on low just to combine.
  8. Spread or pipe the frosting on the cooled cupcakes and decorate with fresh blueberries on top, if desired.
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4 responses to “Shut the Fucupcakes

  1. Roc, there’s enough sugar and simple carbohydrates in there for a massive insulin spike, meaning it goes straight to fat (depending on personal genetics of course.)

    For the average person, low to no carb accomplishes a lot more than low fat. Though I apporve of the coconut oil. Soybean oil is the devil.

      • Hmm, I’m not really the person to ask unfortunately. Once I stopped eating sugars and simple carbs, I’ve found I don’t really miss them at all. So I don’t bother with sugar substitutes. Stevia is the most popular “natural” alternative right now I hear, but none of them taste exactly right to me.

        As for the starch, I have had some pretty tasty muffins made with almond flour. High in protein and fiber, very low in carbs. Plus, you can get it as a by-product of making your own almond milk if that’s something your interested in.

        Sorry I don’t have more specific ideas.

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