Here’s a weight loss secret you can share … there are no secrets. Stop eating garbage and get off your ass.

Some people just seriously need to get over themselves.

70% of all people who start a fitness plan quit. Except you. Not this time.

Religion is like a penis. It’s fine to have one. It’s fine to be proud of it. But please don’t whip it out in public and start waving it around.

Sometimes you just have to close your eyes, count to ten, take a deep breath, remind yourself that you’re too pretty for prison, and just smile at that dumb ass and walk away.

Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.