Impress a blind world.
You look like I need a beer.
Fart when someone hugs you. It will make them feel strong.
Always proofread before sending. If you’ve started with “Dear dumbasses”, you may need to take a breath and carefully re-evaluate your life choices.
Don’t be so busy building a good life that you forget to live a good life.
When I’m down and someone tells me to “suck it up”, I want to break both of their legs and tell them to “walk it off”.
Always verify before congratulating pregnancy. She just may be fat.