Well friends, it’s been a while. I swear I could just record that once and hit replay every time I type in my personal log. I trust you’ve been well since last we spoke. I’ll talk about me more later; lots to get caught up on, but first let’s focus on us. Continue reading →

They say time heals. They lie.

Continue reading →

“That’s just how it is!” I laughed, raising my glass high, precious beer spilling over the sides as my drunken hand tried to stabilize the effort. The cheers resounded around the bar, and we commenced in the smashing of our glasses, one against the other, until every glass had knocked every other. Only then did we drink. Continue reading →

I remove the ring, gently rolling it in my fingers. It’s hard to believe it’s been a decade. I squint, attempting to focus on the inscription inside of the ring, the date of your birth, and the date of your passing. My eyes are weaker than they were and I cannot make out the words. I breathe heavily at the realization that time is starting to wear on me.

I lift the ring to my lips and kiss it, remembering you fondly. If my eyesight fails to see the details I desire, my heart does not disappoint. It only takes a moment of concentration to open the flood gates on my memories of you. It was only earlier today I was showing a friend your picture, still proud of you, my boy.

It’s different now, though. Whether because of time’s passage, or fading memory, or healing of my heart, I can turn off the pain finally. I can embrace the fondness of our life together without being driven to weep, without being overwhelmed by the unexpected loss of your beautiful soul. Does it mean I love you less? I choose to believe that isn’t the case. I must. You are as dear to me now as the day I first held you in my arms. Your ashes remain close, within an arm’s reach. In a way, I still see you each and every day.

I often wonder what decisions would’ve been different were you still alive. Where would be now? Would I be happier? Would you? It’s best not to second guess.

I just want you to know that I’m ok. Truly. Never whole, but ok. I miss you. I love you. I remember you. Always.

Though not in the limelight, I’m sure if one were to look hard enough, Roc Wieler could be found at the bottom of a glass in some dank corner booth of a remote bar/brothel. Or perhaps a gym.

CCP, it’s because of your vision, your team, your refusal to give up that allowed Roc to be born. Through him I’ve been able to positively affect lives. My life has been forever changed by this experience.

I raise my glass to another 15 years!

Skál!

Apparently a few of you have been offended by some of my recent blunt posts. I suck at apologies, so unfuck you or whatever.