Fragments

She didn’t argue. Presently, the temperature in the cockpit rose.

“In case you’re wondering,” Aura said audibly, “I have my eye turned off.”

Sasun giggled, then reinserted her tongue into my mouth.

“Hi! Oh, excuse me.”

We turned to see crew member Daria walking away. Sasun looked at me, some complex feminine emotion taking form inside her head. “Do you -?” she began, then looked away and chewed her lip.

“Do I what, Sazie?”

“Nothing,” she said in a lost little voice. Suddenly, she threw her arms around my neck. “Let’s sleep in your quarters tonight.”

“We have lots of work to do, Sazie.”

“Don’t you think I’m going to help? After.”

“Sure.”

Then she hugged me, kissed me on the ear, and said, “I love you, Roc.”

And I thought, uh-oh.

As a self-proclaimed writer, I’m always trying to improve myself whether it’s through style, vocabulary, grammar, or story-telling ability.  I recently read a writing article entitled fragments, in which authors try to convey as much relevance in a scene in as few words as possible.

How’d I do?

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2 responses to “Fragments

  1. I’d say you succeeded. Not that you couldn’t improve yourself – put more story into even fewer words – but this is better than what I could have done.

    I’ll have to try writing fragments myself.

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