I’m not one for the pursuit of the spiritual. I used to be convinced there was nothing to it. I was more of a point the autocannons and fire kind of guy. In more recent years I’ve come to a point where I’m no longer sure. The roots of my people is steeped in the spiritual and on my own inner journeys I’ve experienced some things that are very hard to explain away.

Yet I don’t believe in this nonsense of celebrating the spirits. I don’t know how the traditions started, and whether it’s to welcome the spirits among us, or to repel them, or if it’s just another excuse by business marketers to profit, and frankly I don’t care. The whole notion of small children adorned in costume, begging for candy or punishing with a trick is just asinine. I’ll tell you this much – any kid looking to play a prank on me will get a boot up the ass. Of course, we don’t get many kids on the capsuleer levels. I’m trying to make a point.

What the hell was my point?

Right. You think I’m just a crotchety old fun sucker. Believe me when I say I was partying before you were a spark in your father’s eye. I just have no patience for idiocy anymore. There is no consequence to anything kids do these days. I still know how to party. Let me prove it with a recipe.

Hallow’s Eve Treat

INGREDIENTS

• red whole onions
• popsicle sticks
• 1/2 c (120mL) light corn syrup
• 2 c (480 mL) sugar – your choice on brown or white.  I use some of each, but all brown can be more susceptible to burning.
• 3/4c (180 mL) water
• Food coloring (opt.) – red is traditional, but any color works!
• Toppings!!!  I used toffee pieces, mini chocolate chips, sprinkles, candy corn, red hots, and gummi bears!  Just go crazy.  I mean, really, they’re CANDY ONIONS!

METHOD

1. Peel the first few layers of onions to get a nice smooth spherical shape to them, much like an apple.
2. Lightly grease cookie sheets. Insert popsicle sticks into onions.
3. In a medium saucepan over medium-high heat, combine sugar, corn syrup and water. Heat to 300 to 310 degrees F (149 to 154 degrees C), or until a small amount of syrup dropped into cold water forms hard, brittle threads. Remove from heat and stir in food coloring.
4. Holding onion by its stick, dip in syrup and remove and turn to coat evenly. Place on prepared sheets to harden. Roll in toppings.
5. Serve to children. Enjoy!

Yeah alright, maybe I can get into this spiritual event after all.