Poison to the Soul

Not every day is an easy day. Not every day brings glory, profit and sense of achievement.

Sometimes, life sucks ass.

As an immortal, this can be especially trying, knowing that regardless of how crappy your current situation feels, it could last for lifetimes unless something breaks.

Sometimes it’s our own heart that breaks, or our health, or our finances. Sometimes it’s a combination of these things and more. We get stuck in our heads, stuck in that spot, and no matter how supportive our network of family, friends, and colleagues can be, at the end of the day, nothing can break the cycle except us.

It’s easy to be a positive role model when your life is coasting along just fine. Walking the walk is what is needed when life isn’t so pleasant.

People will tell you to stay positive, to carry on, that what you put out into the universe is what you will get back. Maybe that’s true; not my place to say one way or the other. I can only speak on my own personal experiences.

Recently, I’ve been going through a rough patch. After several years of dedicated service to my corporation, I’ve been on paid leave pending the results of an HR investigation instigated by a corpmate on their way out the door to a brighter future.

It sucks. And I can’t talk about it due to legal implications.

What I will tell you is that it was quite the blow to me. I like to think I’ve had a successful career; that my contributions to the corporation have been of value, and that everything will work out just fine.

I’ll find out Monday.

For the last ten days, I’ve had nothing but time on my hands. I’ve found it difficult to maintain my routine, to get up at 5 AM and go for a run, to workout twice per day, to eat at my scheduled times and make sure the food is healthy, to engage in regular sleep patterns.

Turns out I’m human after all.

I’ve refused to let a situation get the better of me. I’ve had zero tolerance for self-pity. It’s been an act of will, but sometimes that is all we have left to fight our own selves.

My will is strong. I shall not be broken.

So I’ve been working out. I’ve been eating regular healthy meals. I haven’t gone for a run in ten days, so yes, there is still room for improvement, but I will be back to my regular routine 100% as of Monday regardless of what comes my way.

I deserve that. I deserve happiness and health. I deserve everything that I am, and will not let anything or anyone take that from me, including myself.

Maybe you can relate. Maybe you’re in a bad way right now. That’s ok.

Be strong willed. Be a fighter. Be consistent in your battle to reclaim your life. We are our own worst enemies sometimes. Do not give in to despair or depression. Do not make excuses.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and proudly move forward. Engage and believe in yourself. It all starts with you.

It all starts with me.

I am a proud man, proud of what I have accomplished, proud of what I will accomplish. I have been knocked down. I’m standing up again. I will always stand.

Yet I didn’t do this alone; few of us can.

I’ve had incredible support, and it’s been a life saver.

Many of you even have sent me emails, tweets, facebook messages, skype messages, the list goes on. It’s overwhelming and welcome. Every word of encouragement has reached my heart and lifted my spirit.

As a thank you, I’ve used some of this time on my hands to further my 3D skills, to figure out some things that were bothering me previously but I just didn’t have the time to get to. Well, I’ve gotten to them.

I hope you will appreciate and enjoy this special Roc Wieler wallpaper, from my heart to yours. While it’s a little out of character to be so emotional and sensitive, those of you that truly know me, that truly know Roc, will understand that beyond the gruff exterior, I am just a man trying to do his best in this universe.

Thank you for always believing in that, and believing in me.

1920 x 1200 Desktop version

NOW IN 3D!!!



8 responses to “Poison to the Soul

  1. Hey man, sorry to hear about the rough patch. I’ve been there, trust me (maybe not with the corporation thing, but on the civil service side prior to my joining the military). Things happen for a reason, and no matter the outcome, as long as you can get up, dust yourself off and push forward, that’s what counts.

  2. Sorry to hear your going through a rough patch mate, and I hope everything works out well. Either way I know your gonna be able to make things work out for the better. I know how hard it can be to maintain your routine when life throws a curve ball at you and its good to hear you’ve been maintaining some semblance of order. Keep us posted and have fun with your run on monday.

  3. Hey there, it’s me, Chrissi. Just wanted you to know that I read your blog every single time it comes up in my fb feed. Now, you know that I am not in the EVE universe, but it’s just so damn well written! I enjoy it immensely! Whatever is going on your world right now, I know you will prevail, you always do. Though I am sorry that you are going through a rough patch, I know you, and your strength and determination. I know that no matter what happens on Monday, you’ll be ok. Keep your chin up, so many of us are watching you and rooting for you! xo

    • You’ve always known just what to say that I may smile, babe. I was just thinking about you earlier and now here you are, back in my life when needed most. I’ve missed you.

      How’s my Wren? Give her my love.

  4. Hi Roc and good morning! It is a brand new day and, regardless of how it may have gone on Monday, you are today this wonderful, strong, determined and creative soul we have all known for long now.

    I do not want to sound silly or obvious but we know that you are OK, you feel alive and you are here, and that is great. So I wonder… what comes next?

    • You don’t sound silly at all, and your comments are very welcome and appreciated.

      What’s next?

      I keep moving forward. My first official day of unemployment and I already have several job interviews, as well as two fitness classes to teach.

      Things will be just fine methinks.

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