Recipe – Brutor Energy Drink

Today’s recipe comes to us indirectly from FullMetal Basilisk, an old corpmate and all around good guy.

While I’d like to take credit for the Brutor Energy Drink, I cannot. In fact, I’m not even going to post the recipe, as the original blog post is so damn funny I couldn’t possibly outdo it.

Brutor Energy Drink


***note: I will be switching out Red Bull for Monster Energy drink, which has five times the caffeine of Red Bull when I try this. Rest assured, I will be trying this.

Maintenance Program

I don’t know if you’re like me, but being a Capsuleer, you probably are. We’re a lazy bunch, truth be told; spending far too much time immersed in our pods, keeping the fate of worlds in balance, yet at the same time, neglecting the temples that are our bodies.

I can remember being on recon missions for months at a time, stuck in the tight confines of my Rapier Blue Vein, going a bit stir crazy in all honesty, which made me all the more thankful for these workout routines.

DISCLAIMER: Always consult a physician before engaging in these exercises/nutritional recommendations. Not all capsuleers are created equal. Work to what you can, building up over time. Do not over-exert yourself to the point of feeling faint or dizzy.

Remember, you can cheat all you want; you’re only cheating yourself.



  • Drink at least 2 litres of water per day.
  • Eat a large, healthy breakfast. Eat a medium sized lunch. Eat a small dinner. Go to bed hungry.


  • Cardio Cleaning for 30 minutes. This is regular ship/quarter cleaning, but without any rest. (Once per day only).
  • 3 sets of 20 pushups, maximum 30 seconds rest between sets. Hands should be shoulder width apart and the middle of your hands should be equal to your nipples.
  • 3 sets of 10 body squats. A body squat consists of legs shoulder width apart, weight on your heels the entire time, back straight, arms at 90 degrees, and lower your body (again, weight on heels) as far as you can, as though sitting down. It’s important to keep your back as straight as possible. You will know if you’re not doing it right, as your lower back will start to hurt.
  • Abdominal plank. It’s the same position as a pushup, but on your elbows. Hold that position for as long as you possibly can, timing yourself. When you can no longer hold it and collapse, rest 30 seconds, then repeat, forcing yourself to meet the same amount of time as your first plank.



  • Drink at least 2 litres of water per day.
  • Eat a large, healthy breakfast. Eat a medium sized lunch. Eat a small dinner. Go to bed hungry.
  • Start taking a good Whey Protein Isolate 30 minutes before your workout and immediately afterwards. Allmax Isoflex is a good brand. A little pricey, but hey, we’re talking about our temples here.


  • 45 minutes cardio cleaning. Same as Basic, but damn are things starting to look clean. (Once per day only).
  • 3 sets of 20 pushups. No more than 30 seconds rest inbetween sets. This time, alternate between regular pushups and clapping pushups, that is, clap your hands together when you push yourself up off the ground.
  • Side abdominal plank. Same as Basic, but alternate with resting all your weight on one elbow, turning your body perpendicular to the ground, extending your other hand towards the ceiling, maintaining a rigid body the entire time.
  • 3 sets of 10 body squats, same form as basic, but this time at half speed. Feel that burn.



  • Drink at least 2 litres of water per day.
  • Time to up things a notch. In addition to your protein supplement, start taking a non-phase loading creatine. Anything else is just pumping your muscles full of water to look big, but the day you stop taking them, you’re going to look small again. Purple K brand is excellent. Take one of these before your workout, and one after.
  • SIX meals per day. You heard me. Each meal should be 3 hours apart, and each portion shouldn’t be any bigger than what you can hold in one hand. It’s very important to start eating healthy.


  • 1 hour of cardio cleaning. Everything should be spotless on a daily basis at this point. (Only once per day).
  • 2 sets of EPIC FAIL. Do as many “push-off” pushups as you can. This is where you push your hands AND your feet off the ground when pushing up. Do as many of these as you can. Immediately after fail, do clapping pushups until you can’t do anymore. Immediately after fail, do regular pushups until you can’t do anymore. Immediately after fail, do girl pushups, that is, knees on the ground, until you can’t do anymore. Rest 5 minutes and repeat.
  • Abdominal Assault. Do alternating “Superman” planks, that is, in the plank position, extend one leg and the opposite arm, until fail, then switch sides. This is gonna hurt. Trust me. Hold as long as possible, matching or exceeding the second set with the first.
  • Suicide Squats. 3 sets of 20 squats, where you launch yourself as high you can into the air, extending your neck and spine, landing into a smooth squat as low as you can. Rest no more than 30 seconds inbetween sets.

And there you have it.

Keep at it; don’t be discouraged. These are just a few simple exercises I thought of off the top of my head from my many routines.

They may not all be right for you. The important things are to start eating better, get some cardio activity daily, and to push your muscles a little more each day.

If you have a desire for other exercise variations, or are limited in what you can do and need something more specialized, feel free to leave a comment in this thread, and I’ll try to help you out as best I can.