Just between friends: NSFW

HEIMATAR REGION
HED CONSTELLATION
DAL 1 – TRIBAL LIBERATION FORCE LOGISTIC SUPPORT

I liked to think I had been a good commander during my time in the military, and that I was a good boss to my employees now that I was in the private sector once again. I tried to be stern, yet fair. To that end I had given my chief mechanic the weekend off. I’m a nice guy that way.

WARNING: THIS POST IS NOT SAFE FOR WORK (NSFW). THERE IS THE OCCASIONAL REASON I PUT A MATURE RATING ON THIS SITE. YOU’VE BEEN WARNED.

Roc: Yeah, so I got nothing done on the Rifter this weekend.

PyjamaSam: Hahaha. Well, hello to you too.

Roc: I popped the rear starport breaker half a dozen times before I gave up. Aura was furious.

PyjamaSam: It shouldn’t have been that hard. Connect the black wires together with another wire sticking out. Connect the white wires together with another one sticking out. Connect the sticking out wires to the port. Profit. Or in your case, charge.

Roc: One would think.

PyjamaSam: So what were you doing that was making it complex?

Roc: Well I figure the hot wires need to be constant to power the starport side top inertial compensator so I was trying to figure out different ways of connecting the hots to the one side for a constant power flow, but every time I tried, the circuit popped.

PyjamaSam: Why were you trying to be creative? All you needed to do was connect it the way Aura said to. Nothing to “figure out”. Black to black, white to white. I have a feeling you were overthinking it.

Roc: Except I have two hot spots on the port, one cold, but two hot wires and two cold.

PyjamaSam: What? You have two hot wires, and one cold and two hot and two cold? That doesn’t make sense. Not refering to electrical sense, but refering to gramatical/sentence/english sense. The 2 lines are confusing.

Roc: Ok, let me try again. I have two hot screws on the port and one cold and one ground, but attached to the existing I have two hots, two cold, one ground.

PyjamaSam: Ok.

Roc: So on the existing, it’s easy, top hot, top cold, bottom hot, bottom cold. On the new one I put top hot, bottom hot, twisted the two cold together, bam, circuit blew. Aura yelled.

PyjamaSam: And was the new port actually labeled that way?

Roc: I couldn’t actually see any labels. That’s the part that bugs me. The instructions are also confusing. It covers every hull variant they have in one booklet so finding the right one wasn’t easy. I probably just overcomplicated it, like you said, and got frustrated.

PyjamaSam: The manual is 2 pages. They show you EXACTLY what to do. Are you kidding me …”Use the supplied wire nut to combine the 2 pre-existing white or neutral wires with the included 6-inch white wire to form a series connection between the thermic regulator & other receptacles down the line.” They even include the extra little bit of wire … Step 8 is what it should look like at the end and step 4 is what it looked like with the old port port before putting removing it for the thermic regulator.

Roc: Yes, I have the wire and a merette. I thought they were just extra parts. Ok let me try reading now without a berating artificial intelligence in my ear; see if I can make sense of it. Hot goes in top, hot goes out bottom.

PyjamaSam: There is nothing to make sense of … step 8. Make it look like that.

Roc: Green is ground?

PyjamaSam: Yes, green or stripped copper.

Roc: Ok so twist the whites together, hot goes in top, so cold goes in top, out bottom, twist all grounds together to ground.

PyjamaSam: No. Stop. There is no in and out for neutral (white). You just connect them all together.

Roc: Oh. White is neutral not hot.

PyjamaSam: And connect the single wire to the port.

Roc: Neutral is white? I thought hot was white.

I sighed. I was tiring to deal with, even to myself.

PyjamaSam: ok …

Roc: So I had it backwards.

PyjamaSam: Thats a simple enough mistake EXCEPT …

Roc: It says white are neutral in the manual.

PyjamaSam: STEP FUCKING 2 SHOWED YOU THAT WHITE WAS NEUTRAL!!!!!!!!!! So what that tells me is you didn’t even bother to read the instructions.

Roc: I swear to you I did. They just didn’t make sense at the time. I am Brutor after all.

PyjamaSam: The TWO PAGE, 9 STEP INSTRUCTIONS that I quote “the instructions are also confusing”. How did you manage totie your shoes on the weekend? Brutor retard is more like it.

I could hear Sam grumble something about dope slapping me. I wasn’t even sure what that was.

Roc: There’s no electric charge in my laces to kick me half way across my hangar.

PyjamaSam: hahahaha.

Roc: Ok, well, now it makes sense. Hot in top, hot out bottom. Colds tied off to other side. Grounds tied off to ground. That’s pretty easy.

PyjamaSam: ARGH!!!! YES IT IS ! You’re killing me dude. Just killing me. Hahaha. I am going to get this through your thick skull if it kills me and damn it it near well is, hahaha.

Roc: I’m good at hauling stuff around a ship. And be nice, I got shocked hard last time, so I was really nervous to get back on the saddle.

PyjamaSam: Wouldn’t that be even more incentive to read and understand the instructions before starting?

Roc: I actually did read them. I just got confused. I’d tell you exactly where, as I see what happened now, but you’ll just dope slap me again. Besides, ever think maybe I just miss you, so play stupid so you have an excuse to come visit?

PyjamaSam: I can only hope so, otherwise you’re killing me.

Roc: Ok, let’s go with that then. Or maybe I’m helping you practice mentoring patience for your soon-to-be child. Congrats on convincing the woman you nearly killed to bear you children.

PyjamaSam: Hahaha.

Roc: See? I’m a great friend.

PyjamaSam: hahahaha

Roc: You’re welcome.

Roc: This whole twist them together thing. I don’t get it … and yes, I’m kidding.

PyjamaSam: Hahahah. I sure as goddamn hope so, hahaha.

Roc: Just miss ya is all, and I honestly did confuse myself. This morning, it made sense so I’m hoping by the time I get back out to the hangar to do it, it still makes sense.

Roc: I’m so confused.

PyjamaSam: I know. That’s your schtick.

Roc: Oh.

Roc: What is?

PyjamaSam: I don’t know. Third base.

Roc: Heh. I like third base.

PyjamaSam: I don’t give a damn … oh he’s our shortstop.

Roc: I feel like an imbecile. I haven’t the foggiest what you’re talking about.

PyjamaSam: Hahahaha. You’re not an imbecile. You just lack focus.

Roc: Sorry, what? Got distracted thinking about third base.

PyjamaSam: Hahaha.

Roc: Damn that new mechanic girl I hired looks good today.

PyjamaSam: Squirrel.

Roc: I don’t care if tights don’t count as pants …

PyjamaSam: Pics or STFU!

Roc: When you have a nice ass and don’t cover it, it’s worth every moment. My friend, I would try to take pics but after the last corporate sexual harassment investigation …

PyjamaSam: Hahaha

Roc: She does have a nice ass. Gotta give her that, but we debate her tits daily, it’s all bra.

PyjamaSam: Switch to video mode and just walk around like your using your NeoCom.

Roc: Some days they look absolutely amazing; other days they disappear.

PyjamaSam: All bra.

Roc: Fine, I will take silent stalker video for you.

PyjamaSam: Hahaha, ya. Hahaha. Just don’t get caught.

Roc: Oh yeah, that will be easy; following her ass while looking casual.

PyjamaSam: everybody needs to be part of the complex world of tights versus pants!

Roc: Preach it brother! It’s the FUTURE!!! I just want interchangeable penis attachments. That’s the future I dream of. It’s not easy being small and narrow.

PyjamaSam: Bahahaha!

Roc: It’s like a stick of uncooked spaghetti.

PyjamaSam: Better then small and thick like a pancake.

Roc: True. What really grosses me out when masturbating is when I see a guy’s dick that looks like Gonzo’s nose. WTF is that?

PyjamaSam: Bahahaha

Roc: Seriously, some dude pointed that at me, I wouldn’t be hopping on, or shoving it down my throat; I’d be like “Dude, get that freak show the hell away from me!”

PyjamaSam: Bahaha, yeah.. you and your gay porn hangups.

Roc: Oh god, I saw a wicked hot Caldari teen girl this morning on the net.

PyjamaSam: You’d be rich otherwise.

Roc: I nearly came on the spot. I have to send you a link, but obviously not appropriate for a corporate environemnt. And I probably shouldn’t search for it here, hahaha.

PyjamaSam: Hahahaha.

Roc: But she was soooo hot, man, tribal ink down her entire right side, piercings in every opening a woman has, and yes, dude had a disturbed gonzo penis, hence why this is fresh in my mind. And I do not have gay porn hangups. If two men want to bang the living shit out of each other, I support that. Means two more women for me.

PyjamaSam: Hahaha. Well I for one can say I am in touch with my inner-female and she is a raging lesbian.

Roc: Indeed. I enjoy our conversations. They always remind me how transient life is.

PyjamaSam: Like that drifter I killed last night at the train yard.

Roc: What were you doing at the train yard?

PyjamaSam: Oh, nothing much …

Roc: Sorry, I guess I’m supposed to be more concerned about the drifter.

PyjamaSam: Your new mechanic wanted to meet me there.

Roc: Yeah, I see where this is going. Too transparent. I expected more from you.

PyjamaSam: Not transparent. Consistent.

Roc: Why do I never get the last word?

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3 responses to “Just between friends: NSFW

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