ROC VERSION

Woke up late this morning. Felt incredibly good to sleep in for once. Once the cobwebs cleared, I felt a sudden heart pounding compulsion to check if the baby was still alive… it hadn’t many sound in almost 10 hours.

The baby was fine. She looked at me, her big brown eyes giving away to a precious smile as she sat upright on the bed, leaning against her sleeping mother. Then the smile faded. I was still a stranger.

The screaming started.

Being a manly man, I immediately went to the washroom, locked the door, and covered my hands over my ears as I turned on the shower to drown out the screeching noise. I’m not one for long showers, but forty minutes later I cautiously emerged, my skin turned to prunes, only to hear the sweet sound of silence.

All three ladies were awake.

No Maynard adventure that day. It was a day to relax, do some shopping, enjoy the pool.

As I found out a few hours later, enjoy some shopping meant Roc carries all the purchased items while pushing the stroller, freeing up the ladies to focus their attention on spending so freely even a capsuleer would cringe; and I did.

It’s amazing the crud people will buy simply because it’s on sale… ooohhh, electronics store. Excuse me.

So as I was saying, you can really find some good deals at these outlet malls…

We enjoyed a good swim later in the afternoon, and then I was told that tonight I would be babysitting. There are few things that can frighten a battle scarred war veteran, but this was most certainly one of them. Thankfully, the woman that had completely snared my heart and groin would be babysitting with me.

The mother had some type of dinner conference.

My dread continued to build until I was sweating from nerves. I was completely terrified of watching this screaming hell child for three hours.

She was put down to sleep before the mother left. If all went well (because things always go well when one hopes they will), the baby would be asleep the entire time.

The mother left. I sat on a chair while staring at the sexy curves of the sister, sleeping alongside the baby. Not quite what I had in mind, but I would rather have complete silence than risk the baby waking up.

To be honest, I don’t remember even twitching, or looking away, or breathing, until the door to the room opened and the mother had returned.

I let out a long sigh of relief, grabbed a few things, and headed for the bar to enjoy a long evening of drinks and cigars.

REAL VERSION

Woke up late this morning. Felt incredibly good to sleep in for once. Once the cobwebs cleared, I felt a sudden heart pounding compulsion to check if the baby was still alive… it hadn’t many sound in almost 10 hours.

The baby was fine. She looked at me, her big brown eyes giving away to a precious smile as she sat upright on the bed, leaning against her sleeping mother. Then the smile faded. I was still a stranger.

The screaming started.

Being a manly man, I immediately went to the washroom, locked the door, and covered my hands over my ears as I turned on the shower to drown out the screeching noise. I’m not one for long showers, but forty minutes later I cautiously emerged, my skin turned to prunes, only to hear the sweet sound of silence.

All three ladies were awake.

No Disney adventure that day. It was a day to relax, do some shopping, enjoy the pool.

As I found out a few hours later, enjoy some shopping meant me carrying all the purchased items while pushing the stroller, freeing up the ladies to focus their attention on spending so freely that any man in his right mind would cringe. I cringed twice.

It’s amazing the crud people will buy simply because it’s on sale… ooohhh, electronics store. Excuse me.

So as I was saying, you can really find some good deals at these outlet malls…

We enjoyed a good swim later in the afternoon, and then I remembered that tonight I would be babysitting, the entire reason we were invited on this trip. I was terrifed. My wife telling it would be fine, “What could go wrong?”,  didn’t alleviate my concerns at all.

My sister in law prepared for her conference dinner.

My dread continued to build until I was sweating from nerves. I was completely terrified of watching this screaming hell child for three hours.

She was put down to sleep just before my sister in law left. If all went well (because things always go well when one hopes they will), the baby would be asleep the entire time.

My wife and I were alone with the baby. Well, really I was alone, sitting on a chair, as my wife slept on the bed with the baby. Not quite what I had in mind, but I would rather have complete silence than risk the baby waking up.

To be honest, I don’t remember even twitching, or looking away, or breathing, until the door to the room opened and the mother had returned.

I let out a long sigh of relief, grabbed a few things, and headed for the bar to enjoy a long evening of drinks and cigars. I was so hell bent on getting out of there, I didn’t even invite my wife …