The Cost of Immortality

It was difficult to choose a title for today’s musings. Masks, Game Face, Political Pawns, all applicable and all deserving of their own musing. Yet the content remains the same, so it is what it is.

We’ve heard it said many times, immortality is a gift. Hell, I’ve said it myself to motivate pilots. It’s a responsibility, a gift, an empowerment. It is also the worst curse a man could endure.

I was killed yesterday, in the blink of an eye. I got caught in an ambush and woke up in Hek before I knew what had happened. Another crew lost. Another group of men and women I hardly got to know. I find it difficult to even picture some of their faces. But that is not what I am referring to, callous as that makes me sound.

We’ve all experienced deep and personal loss. The loss of a loved one. We’re going to outlive them you know. We die in our ship; a fresh new body awaits to begin our lives anew. Our loved ones don’t share that luxury. Yes, there is the rare exception of capsuleers falling in love with each other, but for the most part, there is an inherent distrust even among allies. I am referring to civilians. Normals. What we once were.

I lost a loved one earlier this year. My best friend. The pain  of it still hits me regularly, and hits me hard. They say time heals. I say time makes you forget. I don’t want to forget him. I don’t want the pain to go away. How could you love someone so dearly only to let them pass from existence by not remembering every detail, every scent, every moment of who they are? It is a grave injustice.

Maybe one day I will join him. Despite our boasting, our immortality isn’t real is it. We can die just like anyone else if we’re caught outside our pod. You wouldn’t know it the way we act, brazenly warping into battle, rash actions causing the deaths of our crews on a regular basis. We are cold and heartless, us capsuleers. Perhaps that is why we are as hated as we are revered. God willing, I will never lose sync with my own humanity.

God willing. I wonder if it was God that willed our current cloning technologies. Perhaps it was in His design for us to be one step closer to Him through it, though I doubt He would smile on our application of it. Maybe the Jovians were wiped out because it wasn’t what God intended. Then again, I am sure there are many things God never intended. My own slavery as a child for starters. The deaths of my crews. Humanity as a whole massacaring each other for no truly inspired reason. God willing. I think not.

I think we’ve forgotten God. I think we’ve replaced Him with ourselves. I am not willing to do that. My best friend is no longer with me. I must believe he is with God. It is the only way I stay sane. It is the only way I sleep at night.

It is a steep cost. I wonder how long I will be able to afford it.

4 responses to “The Cost of Immortality

  1. @Gradius – I will assume you are a frigate pilot then. Please allow me to direct you to the following links:

    http://myeve.eve-online.com/ingameboard.asp?a=topic&threadID=521448&sid=153044187

    That link will show you CCP images displaying the number of crew per ship. This is also available by looking at the BPO of any ship.

    “Ships have crews, most pod controlled frigates do not, above that they have crews of varying sizes. Hope that helps.” – CCP Ginger

    http://myeve.eve-online.com/ingameboard.asp?a=topic&threadID=450564&page=2#43

    A CCP Dev commenting on the issue of ships and crews.

    As you can see, anything bigger than a frigate has a crew. So please, continue to enjoy flying your frigate. Just make sure you treat your crew nicely once you start flying bigger ships.

  2. I lost my brother 8 months ago to the day, it’s true what you say: time makes you forget, it deadens the pain, is this a good thing? I don’t believe so… I want to remember his laugh, the way he smiled, even the way he used to make fun of me.

    He was no capsuleer, he has no clone bay, all I have left is a scarf I gave him, an empty pack of smokes and a katana he once used, I smell the scarf everyday although his scent is fading away and once a month to commemorate, I unsheath his sword and oil it in honour.

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