There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”

It ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.

Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often.

Blind girls never see you coming.

There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.

Toilets can scream.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.