I’d love to tell you this is a romantic story about a man missing a woman, sitting down to savour a soothing cup of cocoa she had bought him before her departure, and that as he wrapped himself inside a blanket, bundled up contently on the couch in their quarters to stay warm during one of the station’s frequent malfunctions, he sipped gently on the frothy liquid, smiling at the little things she did for him.

This is not that story.

“Ow!Ow!OW!” he screamed, running to the sink to run his hand under cold water. “What the .. oh hell it’s still spraying!” he panicked, not being familiar at all with the hot liquid dispensing unit in their quarters. Sigh, what a mess and she had only just left.

He had still been feeling under the weather, so decided to enjoy a container of hot chocolate she had purchased for him. He wasn’t a caf drinker, and had joked about selling the machine when she was gone as he would never use it, so she bought him a supply of these before leaving.  It was cute and well-intentioned. He loved that about her.

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Power on unit
2. Wait for water to say heated
3. Lift handle
4. Insert pod
5. Lower handle
6. Push big blinking button (make sure a container is underneath to receive hot liquid)

Seemed easy enough.

1. Unit powered on. Check
2. Says water is ready. Check
3. Handle lifted. Check
4. Pod inserted. Check
5. Handle lowered. Check.
6. Button pushed. Done!
7. Warning: Needle error. Please lift handle to make sure needle has punctured pod. If error persists, please contact manufacturer. Note: Contents may be under pressure.

Well, alright. He lifted the handle to check was going on. The small puncture hole in the pod was a geyser of boiling hot cocoa, spraying out in every direction. Instinctively, he raised his hand to protect himself, the liquid penetrating deep into his skin. Much cursing erupted from deep within his vocabulary for the next few minutes.

several hours later

“You’ll be fine.” the medic said. “It’s a pretty bad burn, but very small. You got lucky. If you want, I can write you a scrip for something, but it’s entirely up to you.”

“Yeah, better to have it and not need it.” he replied, sighing at the waste of his day all over a cup of cocoa.

“What do you mean you burnt your hand?” she asked with genuine concern, but also a hint of mirth as they video called later that day. “I meant your machine tried to kill me.” he replied, lightheartedly, realizing how ridiculous the entire thing sounded. Who messes up making a hot beverage after all?

He sent her images of the hand to which she thought it looked worse than it was, blaming herself for the entire thing. “Hey, you’re not the dumbass that couldn’t figure out a simple machine.” he countered. “I love you for getting these for me. Don’t let this take away from that.”

“Fine.” she replied. “Think you’ll try again?” she asked playfully.

“I’d rather solo an Amarr squad, thanks.”