Being Brutor

Like many of us, I’ve faced hardship. This last year has presented me with some of the greater challenges of my life. Some I have failed to rise to the occasion. Others I have conquered. A few remained unresolved.

I’ve heard the phrase “Life is a struggle.” I don’t agree with that. Life is wonderful. And mysterious. A great unknown adventure with a new chapter around every corner. These musings of mine are testament to that. I’ve lived an entertaining and fulfilling life. Believing that life is a struggle reinforces the negative systems in place in our minds designed to drag us down and cage us with insecurity and lack of self-confidence.

We all succumb at times.

What does it mean to be Brutor then? Not too long ago I was at an indoor obstacle training facility with a fellow Brutor. He’s recovering from a busted ankle. I’m recovering from a weakened immune system. Let’s call it a clone flaw for now. We are preparing for an upcoming Challenge this weekend.

Imagine a hill with a 30 degree incline. Now imagine a 45 lb olympic bar across your shoulders and you’re standing at the base of that hill. Now image a chain hanging from either end of that bar attached to a very heavy weight, roughly 450 lbs in total. Now imagine having to walk up that hill, dragging the weight, one side at a time, up that hill.

At first the struggle might seem too much. Or you may have the energy to fight it. At first. Each step becomes harder and harder until finally it takes everything you have just to find the drive to take one more step forward. But you do.

That is struggle. That is not life. Life is the fact you keep taking one step forward. Life is that feeling of accomplishment when you go through the tribulation and come out the other side, stronger, wiser, and able to take on greater challenges.

I’m really ranting.

My own fear is that I’m not ready for this challenge. I’m afraid that I’ve allowed myself to be overcome with self-doubt and pity. I’ve not kept with my own standards and feel fat and lazy, physically and emotionally, because of it.

This morning I warmed up at the gym:

  • 4.5 km rowing
  • 4 rounds of non-stop bodyweight training
    • 3 pull-ups
    • 5 dips
    • 10 no hand push-ups
    • 5 stretchers
  • 30 minutes jog at 6.0 km/h
  • 30 minutes continuous swim to relax the muscles and cooldown

Today I am faced with 7 sets of 23s as my main workout. I struggle. I feel weak. But then a very sexy and delicious woman I spent the evening with couldn’t keep her hands off of me. She smiled as she stroked my arms, my sides, my back, cooing at how solid I am. Maybe it’s all in my mind. Maybe I push myself too hard.

Maybe that is what it means to be Brutor. To not accept “good enough”. To always strive for the impossible. Maybe that’s not such a bad way to live after all.


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