THE ROC VERSION
Leave it to the Caldari to be the most anally retentive of the four empires. As I passed through the security checkpoints in the spaceport, it quickly became clear that this was no place for humour. That was just fine with me, as I wasn’t much in the mood for humour anyway.

Three security checkpoints already: first for planetary customs, the next for citizenship and destination, and finally this one for baggage check. I was traveling light, a small backpack as a carry on for the civilian shuttle. I was on my way to Maynard World.

“Yes, that one.” I heard one of the security personnel say to another as my pack went through the scanner.

“Is there a problem?” I interjected quickly, approaching the older guard who was in the process of opening my personal belongings.

“You have a NeoCom in there, son?” he asked.

“I do. Why, is it showing up as a bomb or something?” I joked reflexively. He became very solemn, very quickly, and leaned forward to me, out of earshot of his fellow security personnel. “I wouldn’t say that word around here if I were you. People ain’t got much of a sense of humour anymore.”

I quickly nodded my thanks, and rephrased my comment. “Hazardous device” I said, my hands miming quotation marks in the air.

Everything checked out, and I was on my way. A short 90 minute wait for the interbus, which arrived on time, a two hour flight, and I arrived on the moon of Vitrauze. Using a courtesy phone at the booking agency, I called ahead to the hotel to ensure my reservations were in order. They weren’t. Lovely.

It didn’t matter how much I argued. They were simply out of room. So here I was, now sitting on a local shuttle enroute to the very hotel that had messed up my vacation and I hadn’t even arrived, concocting a plan for where I was going to stay.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not the I couldn’t afford to stay somewhere else, it was simply the principle of it, and the fact that Minmatar are inherently cheap bastards; I had received a great deal on that room, so I was damn well going to get it.

It was then I noticed a young and intoxicatingly beautiful woman casting her seductive glance my way, flirtation and desire clear in her eyes.

Less than an hour later, I was sharing a hotel room with her, her sister, and her sister’s infant daughter.

By share, I mean I wasn’t paying anything, but in return I had to sleep on the floor. No worries; I had endured far worse conditions.

After seeing the incredulous prices on the items stocked in the room, the three of us made our way to Starmart, 7 km away, to get the basics we’d need to survive the five days we were staying together, which meant protein bars, fresh fruits and vegetables, and two types of milk for the baby.

We had a quick dinner, then turned in for an early night. I sat on the balcony, enjoying a cigar, astounded at the heat on this moon. It was hard to breathe deeply in this climate. I would have to keep that in mind as I planned to go running in the morning.

A shout from the gorgeous vixen I had charmed earlier, and I realized something was wrong. Heading inside I got it both barrels: I had lost the baby’s stroller when we first got off the shuttle at the hotel. And I had forgotten to pick up all of the bags at Starmart, and we hadn’t returned with the baby’s milk.

Lovely.

Not even one day in and already the adventure had started.

THE REAL VERSION
I was traveling light, a small backpack as a carry on for the plane from Toronto to Orlando. I was on my way to Disney World for the first time in my life.

“Yes, that one.” I heard one of the security personnel say to another as my pack went through the x-ray scanner.

“Is there a problem?” I interjected quickly, approaching the older guard who was in the process of opening my personal belongings.

“You have a laptop or iPad in there, son?” he asked.

“I do. Why, is it showing up as a bomb or something?” I joked reflexively. He became very solemn, very quickly, and leaned forward to me, out of earshot of his fellow security personnel. “I wouldn’t say that word around here if I were you. People ain’t got much of a sense of humour anymore.”

I quickly nodded my thanks, and rephrased my comment. “Hazardous device” I said, my hands miming quotation marks in the air.

Everything checked out, and I was on my way. A short 90 minute wait for the plane, which arrived on time, a two hour flight, and I arrived at Orlando with my beautiful wife, her sister, and her sister’s infant daughter.

Her sister had invited us to Disney to babysit her daughter one evening for three hours as she attended a work related conference. In return, we would share a nice hotel room with her, she would pick up food expenses, and we would get a discount on our tickets to Disney World. Sweet deal!

Once we got our baggage, we headed to the shuttle bound for our hotel.

Less than an hour later, I had unloaded our things, made our way up to the room, and realized while I slept on the floor, they would be sleeping on a luxurious king sized bed. Sunuva…

After seeing the incredulous prices on the items stocked in the room, the three of us made our way to Walmart, 7 km away, to get the basics we’d need to survive the five days we were staying together, which meant protein bars, fresh fruits and vegetables, and two types of milk for the baby.

We had a quick dinner, then turned in for an early night. I sat on the balcony, trying to escape from the sounds of the screaming baby, astounded at the heat in Orlando. It was hard to breathe deeply in this climate. I would have to keep that in mind as I planned to go running in the morning.

A shout from my gorgeous wife, and I realized something was wrong. Heading inside I got it both barrels: I had lost the baby’s stroller when we first got off the bus at the hotel. And I had forgotten to pick up all of the bags at Walmart, and we hadn’t returned with the baby’s milk.

Lovely.

Not even one day in and already the adventure had started.