You are 100% in charge of your life. Stop fucking bitching.

You can do accomplish anything you want. It will just cost you everything else you are doing.

A dirty mind makes everything better.

Unfuck yourself. Be who you were before all that stuff happened that dimmed your shine.

Life is too short for two days of bullshit in a row.

Apparently “harder” is a horrible safe word. 

Do all things with kindness, you fucker.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.

Any yawn can be a surprise blowjob if you’re fast enough. 

Most people can’t be dicks while you’re appreciating them.