The Healthiest Recipe in the Universe

I am so sick and tired of seeing “The healthiest” recipes all over social media. These beautifully crafted videos show gorgeous foods being thrown together into culinary masterpieces, and often times, they even start with good intentions. “Get your range free, gluten free, chicken free chickens, raised locally without any food at all to keep the additives to a minimum!”, but from there they quickly, and inevitably, all lead to the same steps in the recipe:

  • add salt
  • add oil/butter
  • add more salt
  • needs more flavour? Add some salt

“Honey, I gained 30 lbs this month!” she cried, her hands covering her face to hide the tears streaming down her cheeks. “I don’t understand it at all, babe.” he replied. “You’ve been eating nothing but the world’s healthiest ______.”

Just like with politics, just like with scientific claims, just like religion, we need to FACT CHECK. Stop being sheep. Stop believing everything you read. Just because it’s on the ‘net doesn’t mean it’s true. I really don’t know how to put it any more simply than this.

See that picture with this post? THAT is what actual clean eating looks like. Not pretty like those videos, right? Too damn bad.

Here’s the recipe for you:

INGREDIENTS

  • 18 eggs (from fed chickens)
  • 2 avocado (not from fed chickens)
  • 4 stalks celery (the green vegetable)
  • black pepper (optional)
  • cayenne pepper (optional)
  • Hot sauce (optional and also all natural. None of that shit in it)
  • squeeze of lemon or lime (optional)

METHOD (15 minutes)

  1. Boil those eggs
  2. Cut and scoop those avocados out
  3. Cut up that celery
  4. Throw it all in a blender
  5. Add your optional spices
  6. If you’re one of those that can only eat when the palette is balanced then squeeze some lemon or lime to add a slight bitterness to counter the spice. Or if you don’t have lemon or lime around, scrape some of your blackened soul into the blender
  7. Blend the shit out of it
  8. Enjoy!

See how easy healthy eating can actually be?

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