Two months ago, I lost too many crew members in a Gallente initiated ambush. I deal with death everyday; I have learned how to give it closure.
I got a communication from one of the deceased crew member’s next of kin this morning. It was asking for my assistance with the EVE Intergalactic Bank Customer Service Department. Apparently, they had been billing the dead crew member annual service charges and late fees, and though the outstanding balance was at 0 when she died, it had now accrued a debt with the company.
I called the EVE Intergalactic Bank (EIB). Here is an actual snippet of that call:
ROC: I’m calling to tell you she died in September.
EIB: The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.
ROC: Maybe you should turn it over to collections.
EIB: Since it is two months past due, it already is in collections.
ROC: So what do you think they’ll do when they find out she’s dead?
EIB: Either report her account to the fraud division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both.
ROC: Do you think God will be angry with her?
EIB: Excuse me?
ROC: Did you get what I’ve been telling you? The part about her being dead?
EIB: Sir, you’ll have to speak with my supervisor.
Supervisor gets on the phone.
ROC: I’m calling to tell you she died in September.
EIB: The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.
ROC: You mean you want to collect it from her estate?
EIB: (stammering) Are you her lawyer?
ROC: I was her commanding officer.
Lawyer information given
EIB: Could you transmit a certificate of death?
ROC: Sure.
Locator information given, certificate transmitted.
EIB: Our system isn’t setup for death. I don’t know what more I can do to assist in this matter.
ROC: Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her; I don’t think she’ll care.
EIB: Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.
ROC: Would you like her new billing address?
EIB: That might help, yes.
ROC: Muritor Memorial Cemetary, 1249 Cemetary Rd, Mioar, Plot Number 1049.
EIB: Sir, that’s a cemetary!
ROC: Well what the FUCK do you do with dead people on your planet?
Click
ROC'S RAMBLINGS 
*collapses giggling* They’re so dense sometimes…
LOLOL! First blog post I read this morning, started my day off just right.
Roc,
Drop me an email mate if this story was inspired by real world events. I uses to work for a collections company and I can tell you that here in the US, the FDCPA (Fair Debt Collectors Practices Act) requires a credit card company to zero out and then close any account for someone who has past on. They can however attempt to collect from the deceased persons spouse if the account was a joint account. If the account was not a joint account, then can petition the court for payment from the estate, but the FDCPA is clear. Deceased account holders account are zero’ed out and closed.
Even if the story isn’t based on real world events, I certainly would believe it to be. I work in customer service and some phone calls are exactly that dense sometimes.
So… certificates like, suck? Subtle…
Hehe
If only it was just fiction :S