When an attractive woman talks to you, it’s never because of how good looking you think you are.

24 hours in a day . . . 24 beers in a case . . . coincidence?

What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.

If things get any worse, I’ll have to ask you to stop helping me.

If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!

Why is “abbreviation” such a long word?

There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

No takebacks. No cutting. Take turns. No do-overs. When it’s time to go home, find a partner to cross the street with.

Be careful about what you commit to do, and then really do it.