There’s something to be said about meat. Whether it’s beef, chicken or fish, meat is just something the body craves, Brutors moreso than anyone else I have met.

I’ll never forget the time we were stranded on Ossus VI, a planet with extremely hot days and frigid nights. Our ship equipment had failed due to the intense temperatures, and we found ourselves quickly having to survive off of the only abundant indigenous food supply we could find, meter tall chickens…

The Colonel’s Famous Chicken

INGREDIENTS

• 3 cloves garlic, minced
• 2 teaspoons butter
• 1 cup Heinz ketchup (yes, it’s still around after all these thousands of years)
• 1/4 cup packed brown sugar
• 1/4 cup chili sauce (Heinz is also good for this)
• 2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
• 1/2 – 3/4 tablespoon celery seed
• 1 tablespoon prepared mustard
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 2 dashes hot pepper sauce
• 8 large chicken breast halves, bone-in with skin

METHOD

1. In a saucepan, saute the garlic in butter until tender
2. Add the next 8 ingredients
3. Bring to a boil, stirring constantly
4. Remove from heat and set aside
5. Grill the chicken, covered over medium heat for 30 minutes, turning occasionally
6. Baste with sauce
7. Grill 15 minutes longer or until juices run clear
8. Continue basting and turning during the last 15 minutes of cooking
9. Serve with any extra sauce you set aside for dipping
10. Yes, the sauce is just that delicious!

An important note for catching giant mutant chickens: Remember despite their size and speed, they are still just chickens. You can easily outsmart them. Don’t resort to shooting them unless absolutely necessary, as it can spoil the meat. Fear, injury and death trigger numerous chemical responses that leave the meat tasting inferior.