By now I would like to assume that it’s fairly clear I am a pretty straight up guy. Sure, I may be wound a little too tight, but I am just as fun loving as the next formerly enslaved, primary target of the Amarr fleet Brutor is.

And I like muscle shirts. I actually have quite the collection. They’re easy to maintain, look good on my physique, and just fun to wear.

CASE IN POINT

Yes, I have a muscle shirt, similar to this style, that says “I heart boobies.” I wear it when working on my ships, or when not in dress uniform, or just out and about. Of course, I don’t wear anything when in my pod. 

I have many funny shirts. And that’s all they are, funny.

—

“Yeah, Roc, if you have a minute, I need you to have a small chat with our Human Resources Officer.” Cytral said, stopping me in the hallway on my way to mess. I had just finished a good workout, and was ravenous. “We have a HR person?” I asked. “Yeah Roc, we do, and I just need you to be … nice, ok?” Why do people always assume I’m not nice? Do they not read my blog? “I am nice.” I said, flashing my best innocent smile. He waved me off. “Save it for her. I’m just the messenger.” My right eyebrow raised, wondering what brought this on. Being the patient man I am, I headed straight for HR. I had better things to do with my day than to worry about this.

I followed the directions Cytral gave me, and ended up in a section of our HQ I didn’t know existed. I saw the nickel plated name tag on the door, and knuckled two quick knocks on the door. “Come in please.” was the reply.

I opened the door to the office, and walked in. I actually felt nervous. It was like going into the principal’s office in school. Whether you were actually in trouble or not, you just felt guilty being there. “Have a seat.” she said cordially, and I did, suddenly very aware of the sweat dripping off of me from my workout onto her nice plush leather chair.

She didn’t delay things with small talk. I liked her already.

“We’ve had some complaints from the women in the corporation about your attire. They find it sexist and offensive.” I honestly didn’t know what she was talking about. I dress comfortably and fully covered, not like some Achura whore cruising for a quick fix. Her eyes lowered from mine to rest on my muscle shirt, drenched with sweat. At first I thought maybe she was appreciating the hard earned results on the physique beneath, until she harumphed, almost reading my thoughts.

I looked down at my shirt. It had “I heart boobies” emblazoned across it. Ah, that is what she was talking about. Hmmm.

“Well, to be honest,” I began. “I find it offensive they think I mean female boobies.” I just let that one hang in the air.

She was completely stunned. She sat straight up, the priceless look of shock on her face telling me I had won. I gave her a quick wink, then stood up from the chair.

“Is there anything else, ma’am?” I inquired. She just stared at me, finally shaking her head in the negative. “No, nothing at all. Thank you for your time, Roc.”

I turned and walked away, my best mischievous grin plastered across my face.